As we've mentioned before, going to Frank's on the weekdays is always a different ball of wax. This Monday my beloved nine-year old niece was staying with me and so, naturally, I took her to breakfast at Frank's. Carl saw me come in and, shock of shocks, came over to say 'hi' and tell me not to be seated until he waved me over. I was, to be completely honest, a little startled at the special treatment because it was just me. In fact, as long as I'm being honest, I avoid going to Frank's alone because I'm not sure of my reception as an individual. I feel that the Frank's staff thinks of us Breakfast Bitches as a unit and while they handle the unit well and appreciate us I'm never quite sure what they will think of me as an individual.
Once my niece and I were seated I handed her a menu, pointed at the kid's section, and asked, "What do you want?" Her answer, was instant and she didn't consult the menu before saying, "A side order of bacon."
I think at least three heads swiveled to face us and after a long pause Carl just said what everyone was thinking, "You guys are related, huh?"
Breakfast with my niece was fun. She decided she wanted ice-cream coffee with her bacon (she did actually get other food) and so we ordered all of the necessary ingredients and made it right there at the counter. This got us some strange looks from staff and patrons alike but we didn't care.
It was slow as it was about 10:30 on a Monday morning and the breakfast crowd was dwindling. Because it was slow we, for better or for worse, got a lot more of the staff attention than we would normally get. Carl said that Hannah and I made the same small, contented sigh when we ate bacon. Doesn't everyone sigh contentedly when they ate bacon? Also, Carl juggled spatulas for Hannah. She was impressed and, I have to admit, I fell a little bit in love with him. What can I say? I love men that know how to entertain children. Then, and I have no memory of how we got on the subject, we started talking about families and birth order and I found out that Carl is the third of four brothers. Oh God, it explains so much.
As fun as Monday was, I think that Saturday may take top honors for most fantastically awkward Frank's experience ever. I don't remember much of Saturday's breakfast because I was freaking out about the GRE's. I picked at my food and N tried to get me to think about something other than standardized testing. She recommended that, before the test, I go to Borders and by myself a romance novel for afterwards. Then Carl asked us what the point of romance novels was. He said he had tried reading one once and he didn't get it. N interjected with the fact that her uncle reads romance novels and her aunt swears that it makes him a better lover. At which point Carl proceeds to detail for us his philosophy of how to make love to a woman, which is: pay attention, she'll tell you everything you need to know. That information didn't help me on the GRE's but I suppose it's good to know in case I, in my turn, ever need to give someone advice on how to make love to a woman.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Coming back for more, you know why we're coming for you... Once we rock we won't want to stop. Not today or tomorrow...
J did a lovely job recounting the bachelorette party of doom and Frank's that followed (also the Melody and Mary visits), but I enjoy differing opinions/perceptions, so you'll have to suffer through what I remember as well. Mainly I do this to you because I'm the one who writes down the quotes when we're mobile and I've got nowhere better to put them. Muahaha. :)
[as a side note, J and I have started to include names in the blog, partly because there are conflicting initials, but mostly because we're lazy]
The Bachelorette Bash...
Originally, we were going to go to the Testy Festy to kick off the celebration, but it turned out to be more hassle than any of us were interested in, so we scrapped it at the last minute. This was actually rather fortuitous because we ended up going to dessert at the Couer d'Alene resort instead. We'd all been to Dockside before, but never as a group. On our way to the restaurant we passed the bar/nightclub portion of the place where the most gorgeous man in a black Stetson and blue pinstriped shirt was thoroughly eye-fucked by all four of us. I think that this was the moment we decided to go in after we'd had dessert.
Dessert was lovely. I don't remember much of the conversation. Something about us being able to see Lake Couer d'Alene and wishing that the waiter would either bring us waters or a straw large enough that I could siphon the water directly from the lake. J and I shared something fantastic involving whipped cream (mud pie?) and C and E shared a giant Reese's sundae. Absolutely delicious.
After awkward service from Dr. Quinn and the staff at Dockside, we meandered to the bar. Boy am I glad we did, too. We didn't see the attractive man in the Stetson, but we did see many others. I never knew how many pretty people spend Friday nights in Idaho. We drooled a lot. We also had a goodly amount of alcohol. J had a blackberry mojito, C and E did some shots and then all four of us shared something called a Derailer. It's much like a mai tai, but is served in a seven-cup glass with giant straws. It also had discounted refills, so we got a glass of something that was blue/green the second time around. Finally, after months of searching, we've found not one, not two, but three drinks that J will drink without thinking that they are cough syrup! Go us!
Throughout the course of the night, we racked up some quotes:
-Upon J's demise in many years during oral sex: I can see the headline: Incredibly popular Nicaraguan ambassador found dead -- husband oddly reticent. -J
-Because the straws were awkward: I'm going to become a unicorn at this rate. -J
-Screamed drunkenly from the back seat to attractive men crossing in front of us: Yum Yum gimme some! -E
-Sorry, Elvis Presley took over and I didn't know what to do. -?
-I did that to Mormons once. -Me
We also analyzed the people in the room, from the dancing grannies to the tramp that C had a lot of anger toward. It was an amazingly fun time. And the next morning, E came with us to breakfast!
J pretty much covered the meal times of the week, so I'm going to skip those and just give a slight overview of the party on Saturday night. We had a bunch of booze, a really nifty hostess, lots of things to be tasted and applied, nuts, lube, lotion, vibrators, vodka and glitter. And afterwards, the boys upstairs sent us down many many notes attached to a tape measure. I feel the need to transcribe one, but in the interest of laziness shall refrain. Suffice it to say, we had a damned good time and made some nifty new friends. (After weeks of avoiding our landlord because we're terrified that she'll ask us to sign a lease, who knew that she'd be so awesome?)
.....
Sadly, I had to work all of last weekend and was barely at Frank's at all. J and I did a social experiment about how much Carl's mood would improve or not when C was there. The results were not exceptionally flattering to us, but followed our predicted trend. J filled in the rest rather nicely already. Wow, this is the shortest weekend blog ever.
.....
I'll make that up to you by writing about today. At 4:50-ish, we dropped C off at the airport. She's got doctor's appointments and a date and such, so she's gone until Sunday night. J and I came home afterwards, took naps then went to breakfast at Frank's. I know I've mentioned that Frank's is different on weekday mornings than it is on weekend mornings, but today was much more similar than usual. None of the regular players were there (besides Mike, Joe and Amanda), so I was personally surprised at the amount of attention we got. Joe said hi to us and sat us at the counter automatically. He was talkative and slightly rushed, but overall rather changed from the ADB we once knew. A red shirt suits him well. Who knew that he'd be a people person? We also spent most of the morning chatting with Mike. I know it shouldn't be so much of a milestone, but every time we get one of the once awkward boys to talk, smile or both, I count it as a small victory. Meaning that the combination of the two boys talking and interacting with us was enough to make my Frank's dining experience well worth the heart disease.
Oh, and my brain has started creating awkward Frank's diner porn. The phrases 'coming down' and 'in the back' and 'behind you' will never again be innocuous. You will never think of gravy the same way again. Now, if only I could convince one of them to listen to my thoughts on whipped cream...
[as a side note, J and I have started to include names in the blog, partly because there are conflicting initials, but mostly because we're lazy]
The Bachelorette Bash...
Originally, we were going to go to the Testy Festy to kick off the celebration, but it turned out to be more hassle than any of us were interested in, so we scrapped it at the last minute. This was actually rather fortuitous because we ended up going to dessert at the Couer d'Alene resort instead. We'd all been to Dockside before, but never as a group. On our way to the restaurant we passed the bar/nightclub portion of the place where the most gorgeous man in a black Stetson and blue pinstriped shirt was thoroughly eye-fucked by all four of us. I think that this was the moment we decided to go in after we'd had dessert.
Dessert was lovely. I don't remember much of the conversation. Something about us being able to see Lake Couer d'Alene and wishing that the waiter would either bring us waters or a straw large enough that I could siphon the water directly from the lake. J and I shared something fantastic involving whipped cream (mud pie?) and C and E shared a giant Reese's sundae. Absolutely delicious.
After awkward service from Dr. Quinn and the staff at Dockside, we meandered to the bar. Boy am I glad we did, too. We didn't see the attractive man in the Stetson, but we did see many others. I never knew how many pretty people spend Friday nights in Idaho. We drooled a lot. We also had a goodly amount of alcohol. J had a blackberry mojito, C and E did some shots and then all four of us shared something called a Derailer. It's much like a mai tai, but is served in a seven-cup glass with giant straws. It also had discounted refills, so we got a glass of something that was blue/green the second time around. Finally, after months of searching, we've found not one, not two, but three drinks that J will drink without thinking that they are cough syrup! Go us!
Throughout the course of the night, we racked up some quotes:
-Upon J's demise in many years during oral sex: I can see the headline: Incredibly popular Nicaraguan ambassador found dead -- husband oddly reticent. -J
-Because the straws were awkward: I'm going to become a unicorn at this rate. -J
-Screamed drunkenly from the back seat to attractive men crossing in front of us: Yum Yum gimme some! -E
-Sorry, Elvis Presley took over and I didn't know what to do. -?
-I did that to Mormons once. -Me
We also analyzed the people in the room, from the dancing grannies to the tramp that C had a lot of anger toward. It was an amazingly fun time. And the next morning, E came with us to breakfast!
J pretty much covered the meal times of the week, so I'm going to skip those and just give a slight overview of the party on Saturday night. We had a bunch of booze, a really nifty hostess, lots of things to be tasted and applied, nuts, lube, lotion, vibrators, vodka and glitter. And afterwards, the boys upstairs sent us down many many notes attached to a tape measure. I feel the need to transcribe one, but in the interest of laziness shall refrain. Suffice it to say, we had a damned good time and made some nifty new friends. (After weeks of avoiding our landlord because we're terrified that she'll ask us to sign a lease, who knew that she'd be so awesome?)
.....
Sadly, I had to work all of last weekend and was barely at Frank's at all. J and I did a social experiment about how much Carl's mood would improve or not when C was there. The results were not exceptionally flattering to us, but followed our predicted trend. J filled in the rest rather nicely already. Wow, this is the shortest weekend blog ever.
.....
I'll make that up to you by writing about today. At 4:50-ish, we dropped C off at the airport. She's got doctor's appointments and a date and such, so she's gone until Sunday night. J and I came home afterwards, took naps then went to breakfast at Frank's. I know I've mentioned that Frank's is different on weekday mornings than it is on weekend mornings, but today was much more similar than usual. None of the regular players were there (besides Mike, Joe and Amanda), so I was personally surprised at the amount of attention we got. Joe said hi to us and sat us at the counter automatically. He was talkative and slightly rushed, but overall rather changed from the ADB we once knew. A red shirt suits him well. Who knew that he'd be a people person? We also spent most of the morning chatting with Mike. I know it shouldn't be so much of a milestone, but every time we get one of the once awkward boys to talk, smile or both, I count it as a small victory. Meaning that the combination of the two boys talking and interacting with us was enough to make my Frank's dining experience well worth the heart disease.
Oh, and my brain has started creating awkward Frank's diner porn. The phrases 'coming down' and 'in the back' and 'behind you' will never again be innocuous. You will never think of gravy the same way again. Now, if only I could convince one of them to listen to my thoughts on whipped cream...
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Ahh, it has been too long since I have written. Poor N has had to bear the burden alone for quite some time now. I have no good excuse but I do have the truth. The truth is, up until last week, I didn't really have much to say about our weekend breakfast adventures. Largely because they had become less adventuresome and more routine. Not that I am against routine. I like routine but for all of it's good qualities routine isn't very easy to write about. It's hard to describe the comfortable happiness that comes from a healthy routine. (Obviously I mean "healthy" in the psychological sense of not damaging to yourself or others; not in the medical sense as Frank's and it's variety of ways to eat saturated fat, commonly known as the menu, are not healthy.)
However, last week was somewhat notable if only because it may have been the first time Carl has ever ignored us. Of course, C wasn't there, and he definitely perks up when she walks in the room/car/restaurant/whatever. He also seemed kind of pissed in general. Who knows?
This week was more fun. I'd like to think that this week we reached some new milestones. Before I go any further I should note that we had N, C, and I had guests staying with us all weekend and they went to Frank's with us as well. One of our guests was Mary. N's friend from birth. The other guest that shared in our Frank's ritual was my beloved cousin Melody, who has been my companion since birth and my friend since shortly thereafter (give or take my toddler years). I love Melody but I have to say she wasn't sold on Frank's and my stellar recommendation wasn't enough to satisfy her hunger or still her complaints. This morning Mary, Melody and I went to Frank's. C sleeps in on Sunday's and N had to be at work early so I was the only one of the Breakfast Bitches to represent and eating there with new people gave me the opportunity to remember what it was like when I wasn't a BB. Melody was frustrated by the wait and I could see her point, although I wouldn't admit it. I don't know about N but for me having Melody there definitely helped fit Frank's into the larger story of my life. The thing about long time friends, especially those that we have managed to keep from childhood, is that they carry our history with them. Having Melody at Frank's brought a lot of my past, a lot of who I have been, to Frank's. At the same time, bringing Melody to Frank's was a way of updating my history, adding a new sentence to the story, a new thread to the tapestry and all that sort of thing.
By far, the best part about breakfast this morning was the way Mary and Melody (I keep thinking of the cartoons) were instantly brought into the fold of the cooks and servers at that counter. When we write about Frank's similies about family inevitably come up which leads me to wonder. . .well, are they family now? Considering the fact that we gave Alex a Target gift card for his move to Colorado, which is more than I've done for some of my biological family, I'm inclined to answer in the affirmative.
Speaking of Alex going off to college, I should probably note some of the other changes at Frank's. Let's see. Mike is officially wearing the red shirt of a server and has a more official nametag than he did previously, although tape and sharpie still seem to be the keynotes of his public identity. He has also become more flirty since his transformation to server which is fun. Chilli is almost done dying her naturally dark blonde hair a deep, deep red. She looks fantastic. Alex, as aforementioned, is going of to Colorado for college. Noree now works at the Onion and she is missed. Joe finally responded to my friendly overtures this morning by actually looking in my eyes and saying, "Hi," back. Talk about milestones.
Some things have stayed the same though. Leo still spends most of his time in the back, either of the kitchens or the car, and he still makes time to come over and say "hi" to us which is sweet and kind and probably a reason I should stop making jokes about him being in back. Janie still runs the restaurant with her chateristic smooth efficiancy and servant leadership and Patticakes still works weekdays, for which I am thankful (she kind of scares me).
Oh! In a flash of memory I remembered what made last week fantabulous. Saturday morning, after E's pre-bachelorette party party in Cour d'Alene, we all went to Frank's. Having more good memories than alcohol left in our system the four of us might have started to sing our favorite verses from "What's Your Fantasy" by, um, Ludacris. We made Carl blush. It was fantastic.
The End.
Love,
J
However, last week was somewhat notable if only because it may have been the first time Carl has ever ignored us. Of course, C wasn't there, and he definitely perks up when she walks in the room/car/restaurant/whatever. He also seemed kind of pissed in general. Who knows?
This week was more fun. I'd like to think that this week we reached some new milestones. Before I go any further I should note that we had N, C, and I had guests staying with us all weekend and they went to Frank's with us as well. One of our guests was Mary. N's friend from birth. The other guest that shared in our Frank's ritual was my beloved cousin Melody, who has been my companion since birth and my friend since shortly thereafter (give or take my toddler years). I love Melody but I have to say she wasn't sold on Frank's and my stellar recommendation wasn't enough to satisfy her hunger or still her complaints. This morning Mary, Melody and I went to Frank's. C sleeps in on Sunday's and N had to be at work early so I was the only one of the Breakfast Bitches to represent and eating there with new people gave me the opportunity to remember what it was like when I wasn't a BB. Melody was frustrated by the wait and I could see her point, although I wouldn't admit it. I don't know about N but for me having Melody there definitely helped fit Frank's into the larger story of my life. The thing about long time friends, especially those that we have managed to keep from childhood, is that they carry our history with them. Having Melody at Frank's brought a lot of my past, a lot of who I have been, to Frank's. At the same time, bringing Melody to Frank's was a way of updating my history, adding a new sentence to the story, a new thread to the tapestry and all that sort of thing.
By far, the best part about breakfast this morning was the way Mary and Melody (I keep thinking of the cartoons) were instantly brought into the fold of the cooks and servers at that counter. When we write about Frank's similies about family inevitably come up which leads me to wonder. . .well, are they family now? Considering the fact that we gave Alex a Target gift card for his move to Colorado, which is more than I've done for some of my biological family, I'm inclined to answer in the affirmative.
Speaking of Alex going off to college, I should probably note some of the other changes at Frank's. Let's see. Mike is officially wearing the red shirt of a server and has a more official nametag than he did previously, although tape and sharpie still seem to be the keynotes of his public identity. He has also become more flirty since his transformation to server which is fun. Chilli is almost done dying her naturally dark blonde hair a deep, deep red. She looks fantastic. Alex, as aforementioned, is going of to Colorado for college. Noree now works at the Onion and she is missed. Joe finally responded to my friendly overtures this morning by actually looking in my eyes and saying, "Hi," back. Talk about milestones.
Some things have stayed the same though. Leo still spends most of his time in the back, either of the kitchens or the car, and he still makes time to come over and say "hi" to us which is sweet and kind and probably a reason I should stop making jokes about him being in back. Janie still runs the restaurant with her chateristic smooth efficiancy and servant leadership and Patticakes still works weekdays, for which I am thankful (she kind of scares me).
Oh! In a flash of memory I remembered what made last week fantabulous. Saturday morning, after E's pre-bachelorette party party in Cour d'Alene, we all went to Frank's. Having more good memories than alcohol left in our system the four of us might have started to sing our favorite verses from "What's Your Fantasy" by, um, Ludacris. We made Carl blush. It was fantastic.
The End.
Love,
J
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